


you've got crabs!

by thelolbells



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, crabs, crabs and fluff, lots of crabs, really building it up here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 13:17:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8287126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelolbells/pseuds/thelolbells
Summary: there is a slight crab problem in the kendall-liguori household - how will chris cope?





	

 

The darkened room caused by the setting sun set a calm aura in the room, but a harsh glow shined from the bright phone screen Chris was absentmindedly staring at. His posture was relaxed on the grey sofa, which was a sharp juxtaposition to his mind.

You see, Chris was annoyed.

Well, _mildly inconvenienced_. But Chris wouldn’t be Chris if he didn’t get annoyed over it.

It had all started on a trip with PJ to the beach Chris assumes was about a week ago. They had been walking along the large stretch of sand, with the intention to find somewhere to eat. The walk had been full of half-formed jokes and the occasional shove.

_Usually given by PJ._

A café had appeared in the distance, but not before PJ had spotted something on the sand below him.

A small, plush _, crab_.

PJ had laughed and picked it up, wiping the wet sand from its black button eyes. He had shown it to Chris, who had rolled his eyes at PJ’s discovery.

_‘Chris, look!’_

_‘I can see it - my lack of a response shows I want you to not say whatever you are thinking.’_

_‘I didn’t know they made toys of you now!’_

_‘Times like this I wonder why I don’t just throw myself in the sea and begin a nice, sexy relationship with a mermaid.’_

Chris thought that would be the end of it. That PJ would soon forget about the small crab and they could live in peace one more.

He didn’t think that he would take it home and _torture_ him with it.

The torture had begun two days after they had found it.

Chris was going into the kitchen to make some tea on a particularly cold morning, his glasses still a bit foggy from his own rugged breath. What was sitting by the kettle had made Chris groan in acceptance of what he knew was a new addition to the household.

The small crab was there, a note in its soft claw. The note read –

_Buy tea after you’ve used the last bag or I will hide your favourite jeans._

  * _PJ & George_



_(PS – George is the crab. I have not yet left you for another man called George.)_

Chris had rolled his eyes and shoved the tiny crab in a drawer, deciding it’s too early to deal with it.

He did, however, go to buy tea. Chris _also_ knew it was too early to have an argument about who’s turn it actually is to buy tea.

When he had returned, he had found the crab on the floor in the hallway. Chris noticed it was a brighter red than when it was on the beach. He sighed as he realised PJ must’ve spent time washing it. He had kicked it out the way.

For the next couple days, George had been turning up around the house, with the only purpose to annoy the shit out of Chris - much to PJ’s badly-hidden joy.

A highlight had been when Chris found it in his jean pocket in the middle of a meeting. He swore under his breath and shoved it back in again.

But now, as Chris sat on the sofa, he had reached the point of once again wanting to be one with the mermaids. They seemed slightly more sane.

PJ, without the knowledge of Chris, had brought more little plush crabs.

And he had placed them _everywhere._

The first new addition had been discovered on his bedside table when he woke up – he had awoken to the - _albeit blurry_ \- sight of a tiny crab staring at him. A crab had then appeared again next to his toothbrush, with a note saying –

_Fun fact – Crabs don’t have teeth in their mouth!_

Chris had spat toothpaste at the note.

The next crab had been on his boxers in his drawers. Another note had been next to it.

_At least I’m a toy, not the similarly named STD!_

He swore loudly enough for PJ to hear in the shower. Chris heard him chuckle.

‘Glad he can brighten your day!’

‘Fuck _off_!’

The next crab and note had been on the coffee machine. Chris could swear that the crabs were even laughing at him.

_Coffee so you don’t get as crabby as me!_

Chris had thrown this particular crab into the bin, before he made sure to make a bigger cup of coffee than usual. He assured himself he’ll need it.

By the fifteenth crab of the day, Chris had begun to wonder if they would be behind on rent due to how many toy crabs PJ had clearly brought.

So as Chris sat on the sofa, irritable - he heard the sound of the front door click, signalling PJ was home. He decided he will finally ask PJ why in the name of all things crab was he doing this to him. He didn’t deserve this. He had even been washing the dishes recently.

PJ walked in, his face the picture of innocence at why Chris looked annoyed.

‘Something the matter?’

‘It seems our flat is infested with toy crustaceans.’

PJ gasped in mock offence.

‘Well first, they prefer to be called crabs. That’s just _offensive_ , Chris.’

Chris took a nearby crab and threw it at PJ’s face. He smiled as it hit him on the nose.

‘And second?’

‘And second, it’s funny to see you get so angry over a tiny crab.’

Now it was Chris’s turn to fake offence. He stood up and moved so he was in front of the other man. PJ was giggling to himself.

‘Are you saying you take joy and happiness from my annoyance?’

‘One hundred percent.’ PJ replied with a huge grin on his face.

Chris sighed dramatically.

‘You know, PJ, if this was six years ago, you would still be in awe over me and my fame.’

PJ rolled his eyes, taking his jacket off. He knew Chris had a point, but he’d be damned if he lost whatever had started.

‘But it isn’t, and now we are instead in a relationship where we hug and kiss and have sexy sex on a regular basis.’

Chris muttered under his breath about how his and PJ’s definition of regular must be very different. PJ raised an eyebrow and looked at him, both of them laughing softly. They both went to the bedroom.

PJ’s head was resting on Chris’s shoulder, both of them leaning their backs against the bedframe.

‘Were the crabs really that annoying?’

Chris ruffled PJ’s hair and murmured to him.

‘Not more than you are usually.’

PJ took a crab from under his pillow and gave it to Chris. Chris noticed it was the original crab from the beach – _George_.

The crab had a little pink heart sowed into its plush back. Chris took it and smiled.

‘You soft little man.’

**Author's Note:**

> i'm back after like a month break oops - i hope you enjoyed! :)


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